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I wanted celebrities such as Brad Pitt, Robert DeNiro and Oprah to read for you but not a one returned my call. I considered using their images anyways, but as one buddy said, "If you do that, you had better get a good lawyer." I think Oprah likes to sue.

Basically, all of my creative ideas, usually involving nudity in some way, were quashed because...well, they usually involved nudity.

So you are stuck with me...The upside is that I'll be able to delve further into some of the ideas and situations that I wrote about and, more importantly, some of the ideas and situations that I didn't (or couldn't).

Simply click on the chapter you want to watch.

I hope you enjoy!

WELCOME MESSAGE - A quick hello and explanation about the idea behind these online readings as well as a clue to the style that I will utilize...As with everything I have done with this book, these readings are a tad irregular...

FOREWARNING - I didn't feel it was proper to start my book with a Foreword. More accurately, and as the title suggests, this reading serves as a warning to the style and content of the book...Basically, that you may be subjecting yourselves to some rather off-the-wall opinions and experiences.

1. THE FIRST HURDLE - Day 1 on the road and already I felt completely overwhelmed and very much in over my head. Fear, uncertainty and the realization that I was truly clueless about the World were the first thoughts and emotions that I experienced moments after my arrival in Glasgow, Scotland.

2. THANK-YOU ANDY ROONEY - Everyone who travels has his or her own reason(s) for deciding to go off and explore the world. My reasons for abandoning the safety and comforts of home was, in part, due to my desire to preserve my sanity and to quash the growing frustrations and anger that I held in regards to my own country.

3. RUNNER - A lot of 'firsts' in this chapter...My first night out, my first drink, my first hangover and, most importantly, my first taste of freedom.

4. WHY NOT? - Anybody who has been to Ireland knows that the Irish can (and like to) drink. This story is about my adventure to Dublin and the night of madness that ensued. Yes, alcohol was certainly involved...among other goodies.

5. GET LOST - Amsterdam...one of my favourite cities on the planet. My time is this liberal city exposed me to much more than coffee shops and ganja.

6. THE PRAGUE EXPERIMENT - Traveling alone definitely has its perks. Thanks to a cross-continental journey, a travel romance and a ton of Ouzo, I was able to properly understand the true definition of the word 'freedom'.

7. A YANKEE MOMENT - Yes, the Americans are, more often than not, the butt of most people's jokes, their reputation around the planet isn't the greatest and, generally speaking, the Yanks are quite clueless about the ways of the world...However, Canadians also come from that North American bubble and we too can be quite daft about the World.

8. GET A JOB - Anyone who travels for an extended period of time will inevitably have to deal with the fact that they have spent all of their money and will have to find work. My financial predicament hit me much earlier than I anticipated and finding employment proved to be a bit more difficult than I had hoped.

9. ACTUALLY, THE FLOOR WASN'T THAT BAD - My dubious arrival in Tenerife included dealing with heroin addicts, sleeping in caves and living in brothels...Needless to say, this was quite and eye-opening section of my travels which helped shed some of my naivety.

11. A NAME FROM THE PAST - Getting out of Tenerife safely was my one and only concern. However, once I had done so, I needed to figure out where I was heading next. A random thought of a random encounter determined my next destination. As it would turn out, this distant land would play a dramatic role in my future travels.

10. GANGSTER'S PARADISE - Although I was able to settle into Tenerife, as far as a job and a place to live were concerned, I was never able to properly relax. There were many factors that contributed to my unease...most notably, my employer.

12. EXPECTATIONS - When I arrived in South Africa, I had zero expectations...well, I kind of expected to be mugged but that's it...Climate, culture, hot water...no idea? Thankfully, I wasn't mugged and my ignorance about this distant land proved to be beneficial for I was completely overwhelmed by the magic of South Africa.

Furthermore, this story deals with arguably the most incredible and life changing event of my travels...Being in the right place at the right time stars in this tale.

13. WHO KNEW - Even though I had learned not to have expectations on my travels, there was no way to predict the impact that Chintsa, South Africa would have on me nor was it possible to foresee how this magical spec of paradise would dramatically change my life.

14. MONDAY - Warning: This reading might make you want to pack it all in and run for the coast. I don't hold anything back in this one...I'll give you a glimpse into the type of lifestyles that do exist out there on this incredible planet of ours...the type of lifestyle that I was able to find in South Africa. Some of you may get jealous when you hear about my dreamlike experience. Instead, I urge you to use my tale as a source of motivation to follow your passions.

15. A TRANSKEI BUY - Although Chintsa was my South African 'home', there existed a remote village nestled along the lush, pristine and stunning Transkei coastline that ultimately became my South African 'refuge'.

Mpande, a very special and very powerful part of the World, exposed me to a simpler way of life... a way of life containing ideals and principles that we in the 'West' have regrettably forgotten.

16. WERNER - One of the incredible perks of my job in South Africa (and traveling for that matter) was that I was in an fantastic position to meet people from all over the world. Literally thousands upon thousands of travelers passed through the Skebenga Bar during my time...backpackers representing all walks of life and the four corners of the planet.

However, of all the people I have met, one in particular stood out. Werner was a unique individual...okay, strange individual for many, many reasons. Leading the list of Werner oddities was his terrifying encounter practically ripped from the pages of science fiction...one that he said he had experienced on multiple occasions.

You wouldn't call Werner a 'World Traveler' but rather a 'Traveler of Worlds'.

17. THE CHASE - I thought that I was living in paradise. Life in Chintsa was as sweet and care-free as I've ever had it. Borderline perfect...

Then something happened that burst the Utopian bubble which had shielded me from some of the tougher realities of South Africa. Was it time for me to go?

18. SHIT HAPPENS - Some say, "seeing is believing". I'm here to tell you that just seeing something with your own eyes doesn't always explain the unfolding madness.

I wasn't sure if I had I lost the plot or if my 'experimental days' were finally catching up with my perception of reality.

Common sense and basic logic said that what I was witnessing had to be a figment of my imagination...

Incredibly though, it wasn't.

Chapter 19. BLAME CANADA

With a two-month break from my pub duties in Chintsa, I had loads of time to go explore Southern Africa.

My plan was to travel to Malawi.

However, making Canadian political history in the most unlikeliest of ways, was NOT in my scenario.

Oh well, this was Africa...anything could happen.

CHAPTER 20. TRUST

This is one of my favourite stories. "Trust" is a tale about an eye-opening encounter that I had while traveling through Zimbabwe.

The experience taught me that there are good people to be found all over the world, even in places and situations where you might not expect to find much goodness and honesty.

Don't let the insanity and actions of Zimbabwe's dictator, Robert Mugabe, be any indicator of the true character of this country's people.

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CHAPTER 21. A to B (Part 1)

The worst part of traveling is the actual travel...getting from one place to the next. However, when you use "African transportation" to get from A to B, a whole variety of unbelievable and unpredictable experiences makes the voyage anything but 'the worst part'. Okay...there might be a few rough and uncomfortable times but, overall, the journey unforgettable part of the trip.

My adventure from Zimbabwe to Malawi was just that...an adventure. So much so that this tale had to be divided into two parts. I hope that you enjoy the madness of Part 1.

CHAPTER 21. A to B (Part 2)

The second instalment of my journey from Zimbabwe to Malawi picks up right where the previous one left off...me and a pile of hookers and dodgy pimps. Welcome to Lilongwe!

The rest of the adventure to Nkhata Bay was just that...an adventure. One of the beauties of African travel is that you never know what might happen along the way from A to B.

Chapter 22. FINDING MALAWI

The harder it is to reach a destination, the more rewarding that destination ultimately becomes...

My journey to a tiny, remote Malawian village certainly provided many unique and challenging hurdles to overcome, slaughter and, in some cases, wash off...

Despite the copious amounts of "space chicken", the adventure was an experience that will never be forgotten.

Chapter 23. B to C (Part 1)

If you thought that my journey to Malawi was an adventure, then the voyage back to South Africa will truly blow your mind. The hurdles and challenges that I faced during this torturous, unfathomable and tragic journey were, without question, the most difficult that I had come across on my travels. However, the struggles and predicaments also provided me with a taste of the power of positive thinking and how this simple mindset can help overcome even the most improbable circumstances.

Chapter 23. B to C (Part 2)

I thought the bus accident was bad...getting stranded with dead bodies and having all of my worldly possessions drive off into the night was even worse...Could my journey from Malawi to South Africa become any more disastrous?

I hoped not...

Chapter 24. HOLD THAT THOUGHT BABY...HOW BIG?!

The past few chapters have been a tad hectic...interesting, but hectic. This one, however, touches on a lighter side of my travels.

I've always been an athletic guy and have relished every opportunity on my travels to try a new sport or to push the adrenaline button. Having said that, I never learned to surf. Despite living on the Ocean and having many friends who were surfers, I spent next to no time on a board. The reason why I avoided the teaming-with-life Indian Ocean and the joys of surfing might not be what you expect.

Chapter 25. LIVING IN REALITY

A common theme seemed to pop up anytime I contacted anybody from home. Friends and family were both curious when I was coming back to Canada...when I was going to come back to reality.

This was a question that I didn't have an answer for. I wasn't even sure if I understood what 'reality' was supposed to be. I knew that the past two years of traveling had taught me a lot about life and, more importantly, myself.

Life of a beach, watching the sun rise over the Indian Ocean each and every day is a pretty sweet 'reality' by my definition...

26. THE EMAIL

Between my incredible job running a pub, living on a beach and having Southern Africa as my playground, one could say that life was pretty good. Even the 'stressful' moments, such as being in a bus accident, ultimately proved to be incredible experiences and fascinating stories.

It couldn't stay this sweet forever...

And it didn't.

A simple email from home would dramatically change my perspective, attitude and future travel plans...

A simple email would unlock the cage that I had so wonderfully stored my anger and frustrations within...

27. CULTURE SHOCK

They say that "all good things must come to an end." However, 'they' can often be clueless idiots. I had zero intention of letting the magical and educational experiences of the past two years come to an end. Despite being forced to return home to deal with a family dilemma, I knew that my time in Canada was going to be short....I would be back travelling soon enough. Nonetheless, my return was met with a lot of uncertainties...the main one being whether or not I would be leaving the airport in handcuffs...